From the desk of E. Scrooge and T. Grinch.
Having recognized how many persons have been plagued with the holiday wishes of jolly souls and bombarded with the cheery tunes of the grating carolers, we, Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch, search all like-minded citizens to join our protest of the Christmas Season.
Too long we have stood by as we are assaulted by the noise, noise, noise, noise! They bang on tong-tinglers and blow their floo-flounders. They crash on jing -janglers and bounce on boing-bounders. And we say no more!
We sympathize with all the souls that have been asked to give of their own wealth to the unfortunate. We had to rob from the widows and steal from the poor for that! It is for our own gain and we shouldn’t be asked to give any of it to so called charity. Bah humbug.
To those who wish us a Merry Christmas against our will, we ask, “What’s so merry about it?” We now ask for those who agree with our selfish views that serve our wallets and save our ears to meet us at the top of Mt Crumpit, located just north of Whoville on December 24.
We acknowledge that there are some difficulties to arrive, but the only ones that should actually hinder your attendance would be the haunting of ghosts and the enlargening of a shrunken heart. Like that would ever happen.