You Love Them, You Love Them Not

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I was engaged once. Usually that’s as many times as it’s supposed to be, right? But I’ll be one of those weird people who get to be engaged twice! Yay me! I should start a club. Or a band!

Seriously though, you don’t want to be one of those people! It’s not as cool as it sounds, and the band probably isn’t going to happen anyway.

It seems like at this stage of our lives, more and more people are getting engaged! Right? I feel like there’s a new announcement from my friends every week. It’s like that movie, “The Happening”.

Okay, I didn’t mean to compare engagement to mass suicide. Sorry.

And engagement is not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong! In fact, it’s the best thing in the world when it’s with the right person.

But what if it’s not the right person? That’s when you’ll get to join my club. And if you’re musically inclined, then we’ll talk about the  band.

What I’m trying so futilely to say here, is: beware of false contestants.

I think that, as young people, we just want to fall in love. It’s just how we are. So sometimes we convince the logical piece of our brains that we are in love, and just to prove it to our heart (who’s still in denial) we keep dating these people! This is a problem.

It’s easy to try and force a good thing. Don’t force good things. It’s okay to take your time.

As Governor Swan said to Elizabeth when she agreed to marry Commodore Norrington in “Pirates of the Caribbean”: “Even a good decision, if made for the wrong reasons, can be a wrong decision.”

So let’s make sure of a few things before we say “yes” to the dress.

Are you in love with them? I don’t mean “do you love them,” I mean are you in love? Say it. “I’m in love with her/him.” If it doesn’t bring a genuine smile and butterflies to the stomach, I don’t think it’s time. And be honest with yourself.

I like to think of the birds on Bambi, when Friend Owl calls them “twitter-pated.” As sissy as it seems, you should be twitter-pated when you marry. Just my opinion.

Are you an adult when you’re with them? Being twitter-pated doesn’t mean you shirk responsibilities and act like a child. You should both still be productive. No aspect of your life should suffer as a result of this relationship. Work together often, just for practice.

Are you okay to not be with them? My dad once told me: “You’ll know her when you find her, because you’ll be able to move on and live without her – if necessary – and you’ll be fine! But you simply won’t want to.”

While being able to work together, you should still find your strength and inspiration independently. Dependence on a significant other is never healthy, to say nothing of whether or not it’s attractive.

Make sure you’re in love; make sure you’re an adult; and don’t kill independence. This way, we won’t have to see each other at my club meetings.

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